Can’t we communicate on social media without feeling the need to tear each other down, asks guest columnist Angela Robbins. (Shutterstock)Shutterstock
It’s natural to feel emotional about a social media post; it’s the news of our lives, after all, and, regardless of the writers’ intentions, humans have varying reactions. Because we are multi-faceted, we may experience a plethora of thoughts simultaneously, triggering natural responses based on our learned experiences.
When a post evokes an emotional response, it’s natural to want to explain away its deficits. For instance, the morning I wrote this, as I drank my coffee before getting ready for work, I navigated to a social media app for updates, as I do occasionally. I read a post written by a woman who rebuked other posters openly talking down to and about women, reminding readers that our children are watching, constantly learning and creating their own emotional-muscle memory.
I enjoyed the writer’s post; I believe uplifting one another makes us proud leaders of our species. So much so, that I ventured into the dreaded comments section. I was surprised at how many men felt driven enough to comment before 7 a.m. on all the ways the writer was wrong.
When a post is written by a woman, supporting a high-profile female artist, and a majority of comments are from men with remarks like, “she should stay in her lane,” “she should not talk about what she knows nothing about,” and comments that aim to silence or gaslight the writer, it evokes my need to understand “why?”
Why leave a negative comment? It was an innocent post written by a mother with a protective instinct. And, rightly so, based on the reaction. Why not just scroll and ignore? I do it all the time for posts that aren’t worth my acknowledgment. What satisfaction does one gain in tearing down a stranger? Which brings me back to my original thought, the emotional response. Is it fear? When a voice has power and there’s fear of the ideas spreading, there is usually a reaction to counter it, including amplified opposition.
As I went through my morning ritual, my mind kept going back to this writer and those responses. I felt the need to stand up for her, as she did the artist. I reopened the app and searched for the post using relevant keywords and was again surprised. There are profiles of people that feel vindicated saluting misogynism, who anticipate society returning to a familiar utopia that slanders, degrades, and marginalizes women opposed to a revival of oppressions. So why is the “woman” group the scapegoat for displaced machismo?
The reclamation of identity is a powerful motive, which is what I believe these commenters are in the midst of capturing for themselves. The sense of self affects how we present ourselves, interact with the world around us, and make decisions. The loss of identity is similar to the loss of a loved one, with stages of grief compelling our actions. Anger becomes blame, the search for a scapegoat. Vengeance soon follows, hence the tearing down of strangers. It’s just easier to blame someone else than to do the work to unravel the very core of who we are.
During our quests for knowledge, exploration, and updates on social media, we all have opinions based on learned experiences, and they will clash — but not all of them need to be shared. Differing opinions are not threats to self-identity when expressed tactfully. Words incite emotional responses ineffective for conversation when they are dismissive or derogatory.
In a world where digital interactions shape our reality, let’s commit to sharing opinions with respect. At least until after noon!
Angela Robbins is a human resources professional, wife, parent and theatrical arts enthusiast with a background in cultural and social anthropology living in Strongsville.
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